The first time you fall in love, it will be stomach-turning and you cannot explain or even comprehend what the hell you’re feeling. Everytime you’re with that person, you feel like your heart is going to leap out of your chest. You feel an infinite nervousness when he is near you; when he holds your hand, you feel like every source of electricity in the world is in that connection, that moment. When he kisses your cheek for the first time, you feel like nothing else in the world matters. You don’t know what’s going to happen, but you don’t care about the future because what matters most is the present and you think that nothing can ever go wrong.
Until the universe hits you hard on the head, and suddenly, everything’s gone. You’re left with nothing but a broken heart, puffed eyes and wet pillows. You don’t know where to go from this point and all you wanna do is stay in bed and mope and think of every negative thing in the world. You will feel like you will never get over it, never feel better or even okay again.
But then, love will find you again. It would be like the first time, only this time, you’d look at it a little differently from the perspective of having your heart broken. You’re unsure whether to give your full trust to that person, you’re going to doubt and wonder if this will all be worth it but before you know it, you’ve already fallen deep into its pits once again. The butterflies would be there again, you’ll feel like you’re on top of the world because who can say no to love? It’s amazing and wonderful in so many ways.
But once again, the universe decided you’re never meant to be with that someone. It will pull you apart and would leave you shattered on your bedroom floor, crying. But then again, you’d feel the difference. It doesn’t hurt as much as it did the first time and you’ll realize that heartbreaks get easier and bearable sometimes. You’ll finally accept that there’s no such thing as forever; that people come and go and most of all, you’ll realize that most of the time, people change and sometimes they turn out to be the very exact person they swore they’d never be.
Of course, after all the twist and turns, you will love again. And I tell you, it will be different. He doesn’t make you feel nervous; doesn’t make you half-guess what you’re feeling. He doesn’t catch you off guard nor sweep you off your feet. What he makes you feel instead is calmness. Your heart is at peace, you feel like everything is finally falling into place. He isn’t leading the way, but walking beside you. This time, you’re not asking him to fix every piece of you that has been broken in the past because he accepts you as you are, flaws and all, and you accept him just the same. This time, you’re working on this long stretch of a path together, hand in hand. And most of all, not only does the present matter, this time, the future matters too.
Finally, you are no longer loving recklessly, but purposefully.