2020, Here I Come

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Like many other years that have passed, 2019 has been full of challenges, laughter, tears, surprises, and so much more. So what truly made it different from all the past years?

For me it goes like: This year was full of firsts. It’s been a year of surprises and going-aways and basically trying my best to live my life as best as possible.

I was able to visit a couple of beaches than usual this year, I got to go to a far away province, and I also got to go out of the country. It was fun and exciting and stressful all at the same time, but one thing’s for sure, it was worth it.

A couple of challenging phases that I had to go through was having to deal with my stress and anxiety issues. It’s not easy, especially when there’s no one to tell it to. Having to deal with your own mind is one of the most difficult struggles that I had to face.

To be perfectly honest, 2019 has been the most challenging year for my mental health, but I am proud to say that I am still here, though, and I survived it.

Setting all the struggles and challenges and bumps along the way, 2019 was still a good year. It was composed of creating so much memories with the person I treasure the most.

In 2020, may each of us learn to love ourselves a little bit harder and take care of our own well-being. May all of us learn to value what self-love and self-care really means, because sometimes, we forget the most important person that we should be taking care of: ourselves.

I would just like to that the person who stayed with me throughout all the madness in my head: My boyfriend. Thank you for always trying to understand and for doing your best to keep me sane despite everything. Thank you for your efforts, for fighting, and for taking care of me. You are the only thing I am most grateful for in this lifetime. I love you.

Now, let me end this post with a little throwback from all the adventures I had this year:

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I am very much thankful for all these wonderful things despite the stress. Happy New Year, everyone! ❤

Yuletide Season 2019

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Merry Christmas, everyone! I know this is a bit late and I’ve been on some kind of a hiatus for a couple of days without any warning post of sorts.

So maybe I owe everyone an explanation: My last work day of the year was on December 20 and that week was also the busiest as we’ve got a deadline to meet. It was also my first time staying up all night just to wait for our documents to be released.

After that week, it’s been my family’s tradition to spend Christmas at my grandparents’ house in Tagaytay. Aside from having limited access to the internet, we were all too busy preparing for Noche Buena and going places.

So setting all the explanation aside, I hope all of you have had an awesome Christmas! My cousins and I spent Christmas Eve watching Doctor Sleep while having a couple of drinks with my aunt and uncle over our DIY Samgyupsal.

Here’s a photo of what our little Noche Buena looked like:

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Thoughts on Book Clubs & Book Buddies

I grew up with only books by my side.

Growing up, I was never allowed to go out with friends on Friday night outs or movie nights. So I ended up spending most of my Friday nights (and weekends) inside my room exploring the world through the magic of books. I find solace in the fact that even when I don’t get to go out all that much, I get to learn things about places I’ve never been to.

Continue reading

On Becoming a Better Writer

Now, I am, by no means, the best writer in the world nor do I claim to be — I don’t think I am even half there. There are still so much room for improvement, learning, and more practice.

Writing, for me, is not only a hobby that I cannot let go of but my way of pouring out my thoughts and feelings. I find it therapeutic; the way it helps me clear my mind and make me feel like someone is listening even though I am only facing this blank, white page that will soon be filled with my words. Continue reading

Fighting Monsters & Saving Myself

How does one really find the courage to write about their mental breakdowns and anxieties? How do other people really make it go away?

I thought I was doing good; this always happens to me. One day I feel perfectly okay, I go on like that for days — months even. Then suddenly I encounter something that stresses me out and it just comes back without any warning. Sometimes, it’s just the little things that upsets me so much I end up making all these fucked up scenarios in my head and the loop starts all over again.

Writing about this, I feel like I am showing a part of me that I don’t really acknowledge all that much. A part of me that I’ve been dealing with for so long; battles that I’ve been fighting alone for years.

So, why am I really writing about this now? I think I came across something that triggered it today; I wouldn’t go into detail but I was very upset I needed to force myself to stop shaking. It hasn’t been as intense as that in quite a while.

But this post is not about what triggered me, but about how I would like to give myself a pat on the back for not breaking down even though I feel like all my insides are shaking. I would like to give myself credit fo trying so hard to be okay all throughout the day. It was like I spent the whole day fighting all those monsters; keeping myself occupied, just so I wouldn’t have to overthink.

I’m all alone inside my room now, and instead of dwelling into things that I cannot change, I just focus on how I managed the day and how I can win this constant battle against my thoughts.