2020, Here I Come

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Like many other years that have passed, 2019 has been full of challenges, laughter, tears, surprises, and so much more. So what truly made it different from all the past years?

For me it goes like: This year was full of firsts. It’s been a year of surprises and going-aways and basically trying my best to live my life as best as possible.

I was able to visit a couple of beaches than usual this year, I got to go to a far away province, and I also got to go out of the country. It was fun and exciting and stressful all at the same time, but one thing’s for sure, it was worth it.

A couple of challenging phases that I had to go through was having to deal with my stress and anxiety issues. It’s not easy, especially when there’s no one to tell it to. Having to deal with your own mind is one of the most difficult struggles that I had to face.

To be perfectly honest, 2019 has been the most challenging year for my mental health, but I am proud to say that I am still here, though, and I survived it.

Setting all the struggles and challenges and bumps along the way, 2019 was still a good year. It was composed of creating so much memories with the person I treasure the most.

In 2020, may each of us learn to love ourselves a little bit harder and take care of our own well-being. May all of us learn to value what self-love and self-care really means, because sometimes, we forget the most important person that we should be taking care of: ourselves.

I would just like to that the person who stayed with me throughout all the madness in my head: My boyfriend. Thank you for always trying to understand and for doing your best to keep me sane despite everything. Thank you for your efforts, for fighting, and for taking care of me. You are the only thing I am most grateful for in this lifetime. I love you.

Now, let me end this post with a little throwback from all the adventures I had this year:

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I am very much thankful for all these wonderful things despite the stress. Happy New Year, everyone! ❤

What are you most afraid of?

There is another me in a different dimension where I do not feel like this. Another dimension where my heart fits perfectly into my chest and I am not afraid of the things that make me feel alive.

It sucks that I live in this world where everything feels like it’s going to tear me apart. It’s like I’m always waiting for something to snap — for the sky to fall, for the ground to break, for myself to keep falling into an infinite abyss — always waiting for something to crash.

Love taught me that at one point in time, everyone I’ve ever loved had taken a part of me and nothing will ever be left for myself but the bruises, scars, and burns. Continue reading

It Started With A Greeting & More

Whenever I write about how our relationship started, it always goes back to that one August evening that changed everything.

But I realized that I never got the chance to mention how we actually started talking and hanging out. Today, when I finally got home from a long and tiring day at work, I thought about that one conversation that started it all. It just kind of popped in my mind — it was so sudden, that I had to write about it. Continue reading

Eureka! Moment #1: F.R.I.E.N.D.S

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I am launching a new series on my blog called Eureka! Moment. I got this idea from our weekly stand-up meetings in the office where we were supposed to share something that we recently discovered — a new book, an old place that we do not know of, a new song, events, etc. I think they came up with this idea to help us improve our communication skills. It didn’t push through, though, because projects kept coming our way so we decided that it is more effective for the team if we talked about tasks assigned to each of us instead of sharing random things.

I took note of the topic because I thought it was a great idea to share little discoveries with everyone. I also like to think that discoveries need not to be discovered for the first time in history nor should it be co-related to big, scientific or technological stuff but little things that you find out that you never knew could help keep you going, or things that can make you smile, or simply just things that interest you. Continue reading

Heart On My Sleeve, Etc.

I’ve always been someone who wears her heart on her sleeve; someone who loves with all her heart. But growing up, I realized that the downfall of it all is that you let people see parts of you that you can’t get back, parts of you that only you know about; you let them see your fears, and think that they will share it with you, to lessen what you’re feeling, but in reality, you just let yourself be vulnerable to more pain.

It’s ironic that I get to write about all these things, yet I keep going in circles. I’ve always loved love and all the things that come with it — laughter, sadness, happiness, tears — but love isn’t supposed to be complicated, though love isn’t easy either. Love will throw challenges, obstacles, and trials that if you’re not strong enough to conquer, you’ll lose everything you’ve worked hard for.

I can say this over and over again, but most of the time, I go back in circles — I chicken out of being strong. Fear is eating me up, and I badly wanted to run from it and just get rid of this sinking feeling that I’ll eventually end up in tears but I don’t know how to fight it.

It sucks that deep inside, I know that the only reason I’m so sad and tired is because I keep letting fear take over me and I know what to do, yet why does it feel so hard to do so? Why does it feel so hard to just let things be?