On Quarantines, Lockdowns & Social Distancing ft My Books

With all the things happening in my country and the whole world in the past couple of weeks, it is really hard for me (and, maybe for everyone, too) to find light in these trying times. Classes has been suspended for over two weeks already and the government has encouraged to postpone all gatherings including graduations rites, Sunday masses, etc. I’m really having a hard time taking this all in since I hate being stuck at home because nothing really good happens when I’m here.

In the Philippines, the community quarantine happening in Metro Manila caused a lot of worry and panic to its people. Most of the companies and employees were forced to transition to a work-from-home setup (or skeletal, for those who can’t afford all their employees to WFH) and, for me, the problem not only lies with people lacking cooperation and not following instructions, but also with the government not having concrete plans for such emergencies which is the exact same reason why people tend to panic which caused them to think that it’s better to go home to their respective provinces to avoid the “lockdown.” Continue reading

Those Magical Seconds

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“If happiness could be broken down into units of time, it would be those magical seconds when you said: ‘I don’t want to miss a lifetime with you, Lenn. I love you.'” 

I choose you, too, and I’m truly grateful that we both made the same decision. I am so happy that I wouldn’t have to spend every waking hour of my life wondering what it would feel like being in your arms. I love you for always. ♥

 

What are you most afraid of?

There is another me in a different dimension where I do not feel like this. Another dimension where my heart fits perfectly into my chest and I am not afraid of the things that make me feel alive.

It sucks that I live in this world where everything feels like it’s going to tear me apart. It’s like I’m always waiting for something to snap — for the sky to fall, for the ground to break, for myself to keep falling into an infinite abyss — always waiting for something to crash.

Love taught me that at one point in time, everyone I’ve ever loved had taken a part of me and nothing will ever be left for myself but the bruises, scars, and burns. Continue reading

Heart On My Sleeve, Etc.

I’ve always been someone who wears her heart on her sleeve; someone who loves with all her heart. But growing up, I realized that the downfall of it all is that you let people see parts of you that you can’t get back, parts of you that only you know about; you let them see your fears, and think that they will share it with you, to lessen what you’re feeling, but in reality, you just let yourself be vulnerable to more pain.

It’s ironic that I get to write about all these things, yet I keep going in circles. I’ve always loved love and all the things that come with it — laughter, sadness, happiness, tears — but love isn’t supposed to be complicated, though love isn’t easy either. Love will throw challenges, obstacles, and trials that if you’re not strong enough to conquer, you’ll lose everything you’ve worked hard for.

I can say this over and over again, but most of the time, I go back in circles — I chicken out of being strong. Fear is eating me up, and I badly wanted to run from it and just get rid of this sinking feeling that I’ll eventually end up in tears but I don’t know how to fight it.

It sucks that deep inside, I know that the only reason I’m so sad and tired is because I keep letting fear take over me and I know what to do, yet why does it feel so hard to do so? Why does it feel so hard to just let things be?