My greatest frustration about myself is that I never really know how to control my feelings. When I love you, I love you all the way. It’s like, I always wear my heart on my sleeve for people to see and throw the most beautiful words possible for me to get too attached and when I do, they suddenly turn into a whole different person and I am left shattered and hopeless, gasping for air and love that I once thought was there.
And the worst part? Heartbreak after heartbreak, I still fall for the same cycle, the same scenario in hopes that maybe, just maybe, this one’s different. But they never really are.
I can stand talking to those people that I know says something behind my back, those people who has never been really my “friend”.
But when it comes to those people whom I least expect to do such, I can’t stand talking to them unless badly needed. I can’t even look at them for a long time, because it hurts. It hurts to know that the ones whom you’ve trusted so much, the ones whom you thought will never do it to you, actually did. I have the urge to stay away, to back off — to distance myself from them. I have been remote in some ways.
Life has always been like this. As soon as happiness gets to you, you should ready yourself for something that will sadden you. Life has a tendency of fucking things up when you’re at your most happy state.
This is a very awful post for a Sunday evening. I’m sorry.