My greatest frustration about myself is that I never really know how to control my feelings. When I love you, I love you all the way. It’s like, I always wear my heart on my sleeve for people to see and throw the most beautiful words possible for me to get too attached and when I do, they suddenly turn into a whole different person and I am left shattered and hopeless, gasping for air and love that I once thought was there.

And the worst part? Heartbreak after heartbreak, I still fall for the same cycle, the same scenario in hopes that maybe, just maybe, this one’s different. But they never really are.

Heart VS Brain

A lot of people kept saying that you should listen to your brain instead of your heart, because following your heart usually just leads you to getting hurt and taken for granted. But I’ve always admired the heart most, people may say that always listening to your heart would lead you nowhere and that you’re stupid for always chasing someone who doesn’t really appreciate all the efforts you did for them. But on the other hand, did anyone ever thought about how stronger the heart is?

The brain would usually tell you to stop because you’re going to get hurt, because you’re not going to get what you want and you’re just wasting your time on things or people that doesn’t even care about you. But the heart knows about that too, that the people you’re wasting time on doesn’t really appreciate anything you do, but it still goes on. It still chooses to love them, it still keeps going no matter how shattered it already is, because the heart is strong enough to chase after the things and people that it beats for while the brain kept telling you things to back out because it’s always usually just scared. The brain doesn’t want to go through challenges while the heart is selfless enough to do everything even if it means being broken.

Six Rules for Newly Weds

  1. Always say ‘I love you’ to each other.
  2. Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled.
  3. Say at least one compliment to your partner everyday.
  4. Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire.
  5. If one of you has to win an argument, let it be the maid.
  6. Never bring up past mistakes when in an argument, it will only worsen the situation.

I’ve attended a wedding today and the bride’s father included this on his speech. It really actually made sense even if he made a joke about some of it.

For so long, I kept myself away from people. I forced myself to keep everything bottled up inside for somewhere along the way, I lost it. I stopped trusting people because I don’t know who the real ones are anymore. They keep hiding behind their masks.

I learned to keep everything to myself. To just sleep through the night with all these thoughts, with all the monsters in my head. I swear it’s getting worse, the monsters are getting bigger and they keep feeding themselves with all the things inside my head. I don’t know, maybe I’ll keep losing it until there’s nothing left of me.

Insurmountable

I keep on saying that my dream is to inspire the world with my words, and now, I realized that I keep saying them whenever someone asks me, “What do you want to do that will truly make you happy?”. Yet I don’t even think I did something remarkable through my words that could at least inspire a few people.

Sometimes, when I’m alone, my thoughts drift to things and I am filled with thoughts to say and write, but I seem to lack the courage to let people know about it because I’m afraid that I might not be able to put the right words together to inspire them or to even make them read it.

Sometimes, it’s when I do not intend to write that the words simply fall naturally good together. And usually, that side of me appears when I am alone and in a daze, at night when I am the only person awake, when I think and even when I read. That part of me comes out without me knowing and intending to.