The Start & End of A Decade

As we closed another year, we dive not only into a new year but into a new decade and looking back at the past years made me realize how much I went through to survive it. It’s crazy how it feels like 10 years just passed by way too fast. I didn’t even notice that I’ve been out of college for five whole years now. It’s insane.

I started the decade fresh out of high school and wandered my way through college with high hopes for what the future holds for me. I’ve met so many people along the way, and ended the decade with very few real ones and maybe that’s for the best.

I’m ending the decade right after my quarter-life crisis year — 2019 wasn’t easy, and I really hope I find my way through it because, like most people, I’ve also done things that I’m not really proud of. But I do look forward to accepting life and getting over the things that at the back of my head, I know I can never really change anymore.

As everyone’s posting about the successes they’ve achieved in the past 10 years on social media, I’m just here — writing about how proud I am of myself for graduating on time, finding a job, getting over and moving on from things that no longer serve my higher being, losing people, finding the love of my life, trying my best to see the light amidst all the darkness, grasping for air every time life tries to kick me until I run out of breath, and basically surviving and keeping myself alive.

It was a great decade, nonetheless. Not as easy as it seems, but definitely worth it. Again, happy new year! May we spend 2020 learning to finally loving ourselves and making our dreams come true. ♥

2020, Here I Come

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Like many other years that have passed, 2019 has been full of challenges, laughter, tears, surprises, and so much more. So what truly made it different from all the past years?

For me it goes like: This year was full of firsts. It’s been a year of surprises and going-aways and basically trying my best to live my life as best as possible.

I was able to visit a couple of beaches than usual this year, I got to go to a far away province, and I also got to go out of the country. It was fun and exciting and stressful all at the same time, but one thing’s for sure, it was worth it.

A couple of challenging phases that I had to go through was having to deal with my stress and anxiety issues. It’s not easy, especially when there’s no one to tell it to. Having to deal with your own mind is one of the most difficult struggles that I had to face.

To be perfectly honest, 2019 has been the most challenging year for my mental health, but I am proud to say that I am still here, though, and I survived it.

Setting all the struggles and challenges and bumps along the way, 2019 was still a good year. It was composed of creating so much memories with the person I treasure the most.

In 2020, may each of us learn to love ourselves a little bit harder and take care of our own well-being. May all of us learn to value what self-love and self-care really means, because sometimes, we forget the most important person that we should be taking care of: ourselves.

I would just like to that the person who stayed with me throughout all the madness in my head: My boyfriend. Thank you for always trying to understand and for doing your best to keep me sane despite everything. Thank you for your efforts, for fighting, and for taking care of me. You are the only thing I am most grateful for in this lifetime. I love you.

Now, let me end this post with a little throwback from all the adventures I had this year:

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I am very much thankful for all these wonderful things despite the stress. Happy New Year, everyone! ❤

Yuletide Season 2019

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Merry Christmas, everyone! I know this is a bit late and I’ve been on some kind of a hiatus for a couple of days without any warning post of sorts.

So maybe I owe everyone an explanation: My last work day of the year was on December 20 and that week was also the busiest as we’ve got a deadline to meet. It was also my first time staying up all night just to wait for our documents to be released.

After that week, it’s been my family’s tradition to spend Christmas at my grandparents’ house in Tagaytay. Aside from having limited access to the internet, we were all too busy preparing for Noche Buena and going places.

So setting all the explanation aside, I hope all of you have had an awesome Christmas! My cousins and I spent Christmas Eve watching Doctor Sleep while having a couple of drinks with my aunt and uncle over our DIY Samgyupsal.

Here’s a photo of what our little Noche Buena looked like:

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What I Wore #1: Christmas Party 2019

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Hey, everyone! I’m back with another series to launch on this little space of mine. I’ve been thinking about this series for quite some time now, and I think it’s just fitting to introduce my very own What I Wore segment in my website since my inspiration for blogging are fashion bloggers like Kryz Uy, Tricia Gosingtian, etc (as mentioned in this post).

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Fighting Monsters & Saving Myself

How does one really find the courage to write about their mental breakdowns and anxieties? How do other people really make it go away?

I thought I was doing good; this always happens to me. One day I feel perfectly okay, I go on like that for days — months even. Then suddenly I encounter something that stresses me out and it just comes back without any warning. Sometimes, it’s just the little things that upsets me so much I end up making all these fucked up scenarios in my head and the loop starts all over again.

Writing about this, I feel like I am showing a part of me that I don’t really acknowledge all that much. A part of me that I’ve been dealing with for so long; battles that I’ve been fighting alone for years.

So, why am I really writing about this now? I think I came across something that triggered it today; I wouldn’t go into detail but I was very upset I needed to force myself to stop shaking. It hasn’t been as intense as that in quite a while.

But this post is not about what triggered me, but about how I would like to give myself a pat on the back for not breaking down even though I feel like all my insides are shaking. I would like to give myself credit fo trying so hard to be okay all throughout the day. It was like I spent the whole day fighting all those monsters; keeping myself occupied, just so I wouldn’t have to overthink.

I’m all alone inside my room now, and instead of dwelling into things that I cannot change, I just focus on how I managed the day and how I can win this constant battle against my thoughts.