The Dusty Diary #2

I haven’t been myself lately.

Yup, you read that right. I haven’t been myself lately, again. Just when I thought I have finally moved past that phase. It’s been five months since I last wrote that first entry for The Dusty Diary where I talked about how my anxiety has been getting worse during the pandemic. I said that I’ve been trying out different things that I think might help me get through it. I didn’t write any updates about it, but during the past couple of months, I really felt like I’ve been doing better.

So to give you a brief run down of what I’ve been busy with during the past couple of months, I’ve been:

  • reading a lot, of course.
  • watching a lot of anime.
  • buddy-watching a series with my boyfriend.
  • active on bookstagram.
  • trying to do bullet-journaling.
  • doing some workout.

It worked for a couple of months as I’ve mentioned at the start of this post. But in the past week, I’ve been feeling a bit down for no apparent reason. It’s frustrating just how when I thought I am finally getting better, here’s the anxiety again, looming over my head like a dark cloud. 

So I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking what I could have done wrong in the past couple of days for my anxiety to resurface, and I came to the conclusion that maybe I’m just feeling a little burnt out from work. I’ve seen it coming, but I didn’t know how to deal with it because what should I do? I need to work to earn money and suffice my needs (and wants). So I ignored it, whatever it was, I just had to ignore it because I can’t file a leave every time I feel this way. I thought it will go away eventually. I was wrong.

During work days, I always wake up with dread knowing that I’d have to spend 8 hours of my day in front of my laptop, attending meetings, and dealing with my tasks. Sometimes, even a small task feels like it’s going to take me forever to finish it. I keep reminding myself that I’ve done bigger tasks and have submitted each of them way before the deadline itself, but it just doesn’t work — I feel entirely restless most of the time. So I always find myself just looking forward to the weekend, so I can have all my time to myself. 

Yet, these days, it’s either I sleep a lot or don’t get any sleep at all and it’s infuriating. There are nights where I’ve been awake until the wee hours of the morning, listening to music that might help me fall asleep while drawing spirals, the way John Green told me to. It’s funny thinking about it, if you’re not suffering from the same thoughts.

I’ve also been suffering from migraines more often these days which almost always result to my being irritated. I snap at everyone who talks to me because I feel like I need more silent moments — I just don’t want to speak with anyone. There are also times when I am in a desperate need for an escape and on most days, it’s through reading that I find my peace. I lock myself up inside my room, just so no one can come in and pull me away from my book. Sometimes, it’s through journaling as it keeps me busy, especially when I’m trying to think of ideas that will make a spread look pretty enough. But there are days when I crave a different kind of escape — I just need to get away from this dark empty space inside my head.

So, yes, here I am again; back at where I started. Again, trying to write all of my thoughts thinking that if I do, this blank space will take all of it away. If you made it up to this point, thank you for listening, even if this doesn’t have any conclusion at all.

JNVQ Diaries: A Love Letter

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Babe,

Happy quarantine birthday! Who would’ve thought that this year would turn out this way? We have so many plans for this year, and I can still remember vividly how we’ve been arguing on how to spend my birthday before the quarantine was imposed. That was in March, it’s been three months and we’re now celebrating your birthday but we still haven’t seen each other since. It’s really frustrating because I miss you so bad. But as I’ve said in my birthday post, we have to be strong while being apart right now, so we can spend a lot of birthdays together in the future.

I know it’s hard celebrating at a time like this, but I hope you enjoy your cake and my not-so-surprise birthday gift that we’ve been talking about for weeks! Haha! I don’t like to be all that cheesy, but I want you to know that I will always love you and you will always be the best decision that I have made for my entire life. I am still happy that I’ve chosen to be with you and I will keep choosing you. I knew you were the right one because you never tolerated my immaturity during my red days even when we argue about it most of the time. I really do appreciate it because you are helping become a better version of myself.

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I would also like to thank you for always being the stronger person in our relationship, I know that there are times when you also feel down because, hey, you’re also human. Yet, you always put me first by trying to appear strong for me and I will always appreciate you for that even if it may not look like so. I would also like you to know that I appreciate your patience and selflessness when it comes to understanding my overthinking, I know it’s also hard for you, but you always manage to help me through my episodes.

With all that, I wish you all the blessings that you deserve. I am looking forward to more adventures throughout the years with you. Thank you for making me feel the most alive I’ve been in 26 years. You are the greatest thrill and adventure of my life.

Thank you for your existence.

I love you.

Yours for always,
Lenn

Eureka! Moment #4: Skin Potions

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Hey! Welcome to another one of my Eureka! Moments blog posts. This month, I’m writing about some of Skin Potions Philippines’ products that I just started using a few days ago. It was recommended to me by a friend, so I did a couple of research with regard to the ingredients they use in their products, their background, and then I checked their Instagram account.

I just couldn’t help but spend a lot of time browsing through their Instagram feed because their products are so cute and girly! If you know me personally, I am all for cute stuff (it’s actually becoming a problem sometimes haha). Anyway, I was really undecided about what to order because I wanted to try everything! Like their micellar water and facial wash, but I’m already using other brands for those.

So what I did buy for myself from their online shop are these:

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Don’t they have the cutest packaging? My kawaii heart is so pleased. Anyway, the Glass Skin moisturizing anti-pimple cream smells so good, I’m addicted! When I woke up the morning after my first night of using the products, I took a selfie because I really felt like my skin is softer and more moisturized than ever.

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I’m so happy about the feel of my face and I’m excited to see the results after consuming these products! I mix the oil and Glass Skin Cream together because the oil’s scent is so strong. And voila, there’s the results in just the first use!

I’ve also ordered their other products, like their Potion Balm, Tomato Serum, and Watermelon Shocker soap. I also wanted to try their Sorcerer’s Cream for my underarms but they’re still out of stock.

I was also able to recommend it to my mom and cousins! My mom’s currently using their Aloe Vera Skin Saver Gel and Tomato Serum (that’s why I ordered the serum because I saw her using it and it also smelled great!) while my cousins are using their Micellar Water.

You guys should check them out at skinpotionsph.com! They have the cutest yet affordable and effective products when it comes to pampering your skin. They also sell makeup, so for all the makeup junkies out there, this one’s also for you.