How does one really find the courage to write about their mental breakdowns and anxieties? How do other people really make it go away?
I thought I was doing good; this always happens to me. One day I feel perfectly okay, I go on like that for days — months even. Then suddenly I encounter something that stresses me out and it just comes back without any warning. Sometimes, it’s just the little things that upsets me so much I end up making all these fucked up scenarios in my head and the loop starts all over again.
Writing about this, I feel like I am showing a part of me that I don’t really acknowledge all that much. A part of me that I’ve been dealing with for so long; battles that I’ve been fighting alone for years.
So, why am I really writing about this now? I think I came across something that triggered it today; I wouldn’t go into detail but I was very upset I needed to force myself to stop shaking. It hasn’t been as intense as that in quite a while.
But this post is not about what triggered me, but about how I would like to give myself a pat on the back for not breaking down even though I feel like all my insides are shaking. I would like to give myself credit fo trying so hard to be okay all throughout the day. It was like I spent the whole day fighting all those monsters; keeping myself occupied, just so I wouldn’t have to overthink.
I’m all alone inside my room now, and instead of dwelling into things that I cannot change, I just focus on how I managed the day and how I can win this constant battle against my thoughts.
I can still remember vividly the first time I signed up for Blogger — it was almost the summer of my sophomore year in high school and I was just plain bored, but I ended up not writing anything there at all. Then, sometime in 2009, I found out about Tumblr. Again, I signed up using eyesthatsparkle as my blog name (because When You Look Me In the Eyes by Jonas Brothers was still my favorite song at the time) but eventually changed it to dustypromises on the same year. Here’s a little secret: I always find it hard to think of a cool username for each of my accounts; so when I felt comfortable with dustypromises, I never changed my blog name ever.
It was also back in 2009 when I discovered bloggers like Kryz Uy, Tricia Gosingtian, and Laureen Uy who are now considered pioneers in the blogosphere — I’ve wanted to get my own domain ever since. So I continued blogging and I cannot count the number of times I researched on domains, where to get one, how much would it cost, should I opt for hosting, etc. Maybe hundreds of times or so, but who am I kidding? I was still a student, even saving up for birthday presents for family and friends were a struggle at the time.
But today is a game-changer — to celebrate my 10 years in the blogosphere, I am excited (and very happy) to announce that Dustypromises is now a dot-com! After literally a decade of dreaming of a domain, I finally purchased one for my blog!
P.S. I would like to thank and send virtual hugs and kisses to my ever supportive boyfriend for helping me make this decade-long dream come true — from transferring all my content from Tumblr to WordPress to choosing and customizing my theme to finally getting my very own domain. Thank you and I love you!
P.P.S. I am still working on my logo. So I apologize for my photo being constantly displayed whenever I share my blog posts on Twitter, Facebook, etc.