Heart On My Sleeve, Etc.

I’ve always been someone who wears her heart on her sleeve; someone who loves with all her heart. But growing up, I realized that the downfall of it all is that you let people see parts of you that you can’t get back, parts of you that only you know about; you let them see your fears, and think that they will share it with you, to lessen what you’re feeling, but in reality, you just let yourself be vulnerable to more pain.

It’s ironic that I get to write about all these things, yet I keep going in circles. I’ve always loved love and all the things that come with it — laughter, sadness, happiness, tears — but love isn’t supposed to be complicated, though love isn’t easy either. Love will throw challenges, obstacles, and trials that if you’re not strong enough to conquer, you’ll lose everything you’ve worked hard for.

I can say this over and over again, but most of the time, I go back in circles — I chicken out of being strong. Fear is eating me up, and I badly wanted to run from it and just get rid of this sinking feeling that I’ll eventually end up in tears but I don’t know how to fight it.

It sucks that deep inside, I know that the only reason I’m so sad and tired is because I keep letting fear take over me and I know what to do, yet why does it feel so hard to do so? Why does it feel so hard to just let things be?

Scribbles

“Without hesitations, he kissed her lips, her ear, and then her neck which sent shivers along her skin. He placed his hand on her back and held her tight as he continued to kiss her. With every touch of his lips against hers, it made her feel as if she’s worth so much; like she’s priceless. Like she’s some kind of puzzle that he’s willing to solve and piece back together no matter how long it takes.

She nervously placed her hand at the back of his neck and as the kiss deepened, she grabbed a lock of his hair as if she knew exactly what she was doing. She was feeling every feeling at once that she couldn’t think straight. The burst of feelings overwhelmed her.

In between kisses, they both kept whispering, “I love you.” They were smiling at each other like teenagers falling in love for the first time. It was crazy, it was funny, it felt good, but it was all too confusing at the same time. She was too scared, she didn’t know if this night will make or break her.

But she didn’t want to think about that, she wanted to live in the moment while it lasted. She closed her eyes and felt every touch of his lips against hers—against her skin.

She had never felt like that before. Like she wanted nothing more than to be in that moment; no other guy ever made her feel the way he did — no other guy had that kind of power over her.“