The Dusty Diary #1

When I first started blogging, I used to write about my daily encounters with different things. My Tumblr blog used to be a diary of sorts and since this pandemic has been really affecting my mental health, I felt that I needed to write these kind of stuff again because writing my feelings down is therapeutic for me. I needed to take extra steps that I think will help me get through this, so here I am:

It has been nearly three months since the lockdown was imposed in my country, and despite forcing myself to stay positive amidst all this ⁠— well, this pandemic and quarantine really did take a toll on my mental health.

During the first couple of weeks, I was able to stay sane by focusing on work, reading books, and sometimes I even tried to learn new things (e.g., cooking and making dessert). I thought I had my anxiety under control, but as the days go by and as the quarantine period in my side of the world was extended and extended and extended, I found myself more and more anxious. I tried distracting myself by spending way too much time on online shops which resulted in, of course, me buying so many things like books and skincare products. For a while, I was really happy ⁠— receiving a package sort of  gives you that giddy feeling like receiving a gift on your birthday or on Christmas. It worked for a while, I felt happy whenever a package is delivered on our front door and I liked the thrill of opening it and, of course, using the products.

Again, I thought I had it under control, but last week, I’ve been having a hard time sleeping. I am tired and sleepy, but every time I try to close my eyes, my mind goes into a spiral of thoughts that I just can’t shake. I am overthinking again, and it seemed a lot worse than before this pandemic started. I’ve been thinking about the pandemic, the lockdown, my future, my stress from work and my deadlines ⁠— there were so many things running through my mind all at once that it felt like my head was going to crack open. I even came to a point where I cried and begged my mind to just stop thinking and just let me rest ⁠— I was so freaking restless.

Right now, I bought an over-the-counter medicine for some dosage of melatonin to help me sleep at night and I’ve also been drinking tea or milk before going to bed. I’ve been taking the meds for two days now, and so far, it’s helping me pretty well with my sleep though I’m still having occasional breakdowns during the day. I hope I get to cope up with all that is happening because having a mental breakdown at this time is so much harder.

I’ve also been constantly talking with my boyfriend and some of my friends about it, and most of them keep on telling me to just don’t overthink things as I do not have control over everything. I agree, I totally freaking agree, but the thing is, I just can’t force my mind to just stop thinking about everything. As I’ve mentioned, I even came to a point where I begged my mind to just stop ⁠— the noise in my head just don’t know how to stop. It sounds crazy, but it feels that way and I’ve been having intense headaches because of it. It’s so hard to deal with my anxiety, stress, and panic attacks when everything around me is stressing the hell out of me.

I hope that these baby steps like taking in dosages of melatonin, drinking tea/milk, and writing my heart out helps a bit with what I’m currently feeling because I don’t know what else to do.

My Skin Care Routine

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When I first met most of my friends from college, and from work, the one question that almost everyone of them asked was: “What do you put on your face?” or “How do you take care of your skin?”

Before, I only use toner at the end of each day because I always thought that why do I need to put a lot of those products on my face when my skin’s really not acne-prone, anyway? That’s where I’m wrong. Some two or three years ago, I came to the realization that despite not having pimples, I have a mildly dry skin. So I started researching about what products to use, which brand works, etc. Continue reading

Five Things I’ve Learned From My Manager:

  1. Take vacations. You don’t have to feel guilty for not reporting to work nor for leaving your teammates for a day or two.
  2. Take breaks. You can’t actually work for eight hours straight, take a break away from your computer from time to time.
  3. Save your energy. Save your energy for the more important things and stop stressing over something that you have no control over.
  4. Focus on quality. You don’t have to get everything done in a day. Focus on what you’re currently working on and make sure that the quality is good to go regardless if there will be someone available to review it or not.
  5. Give yourself credit. Don’t waste your time overthinking if you’ve disappointed someone or if you’ve done something wrong. Most of the time, you’re doing your best. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

I just feel like writing these down for future reference because they are not only relevant in terms of work, but it also applies to real life situations and instances.

2020, Here I Come

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Like many other years that have passed, 2019 has been full of challenges, laughter, tears, surprises, and so much more. So what truly made it different from all the past years?

For me it goes like: This year was full of firsts. It’s been a year of surprises and going-aways and basically trying my best to live my life as best as possible.

I was able to visit a couple of beaches than usual this year, I got to go to a far away province, and I also got to go out of the country. It was fun and exciting and stressful all at the same time, but one thing’s for sure, it was worth it.

A couple of challenging phases that I had to go through was having to deal with my stress and anxiety issues. It’s not easy, especially when there’s no one to tell it to. Having to deal with your own mind is one of the most difficult struggles that I had to face.

To be perfectly honest, 2019 has been the most challenging year for my mental health, but I am proud to say that I am still here, though, and I survived it.

Setting all the struggles and challenges and bumps along the way, 2019 was still a good year. It was composed of creating so much memories with the person I treasure the most.

In 2020, may each of us learn to love ourselves a little bit harder and take care of our own well-being. May all of us learn to value what self-love and self-care really means, because sometimes, we forget the most important person that we should be taking care of: ourselves.

I would just like to that the person who stayed with me throughout all the madness in my head: My boyfriend. Thank you for always trying to understand and for doing your best to keep me sane despite everything. Thank you for your efforts, for fighting, and for taking care of me. You are the only thing I am most grateful for in this lifetime. I love you.

Now, let me end this post with a little throwback from all the adventures I had this year:

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I am very much thankful for all these wonderful things despite the stress. Happy New Year, everyone! ❤